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Talk about Your Concerns with the Alcoholic Loved One

[fa icon="calendar"] Sep 15, 2015 9:00:00 AM / by Ellie Hyatt

Family Recovery Series: 6 Things You Can Do to Help an Alcoholic Loved One.

family_fighting

Part 5: Talk about Your Concerns with the Alcoholic

Last month we talked about the importance of working together as a family so the alcoholic is less able to emotionally sidetrack family members with the fear that they might do or say something to cause the alcoholic to drink.  All family members need to remember they didn’t cause the alcoholism, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it.  

If you’re new to this series, please read the first three entries:

Part 1: Educate Yourself About Alcoholism.

Part 2: Get Support for Yourself.

Part 3: Set Limits and Stick to Them

Part 4: Work Together as a Family

Now, the fifth thing you can do to help an alcoholic loved one is: Talk about Your Concerns with the Alcoholic.

Denial is a symptom of alcoholism for both the loved ones and the alcoholic. We might think if someone is in denial, there is really nothing to be accomplished by talking to them. This is not the case.

It is most productive to have the conversation when our loved one is not under the influence, and when we can speak as calmly as possible about what we are experiencing. Our conversation will have more impact if it is done with love and concern. 

An example would be to say “I love you and I am concerned about you.” Talk about what you are observing, the effect their use is having on them as a person and on your relationship. Talk about the link between their alcohol use and their growing problems. Tell them you think they need to get help. 

We know this is not easy, but do not argue. It is quite possible our alcoholic loved one will not agree with us.  That does not negate what we are experiencing. He or she does not need to agree with us for our experience to be accurate or true. 

Remember, this conversation about our concerns is not an argument, and we can’t force the alcoholic to understand us.  We may need to agree to disagree.  That’s okay.  Resist the alcoholic’s efforts to turn the conversation into an argument with winners and losers.  

I can’t control my husband’s behavior; I can’t even really control my own! But I have tools now, and I can’t wait to get home and start using them. ~Wife

Next Month: The sixth and last thing you can do to help an alcoholic loved one: Consider an Intervention

Don’t want to wait until next month?  Download our free PDF: 6 Things You Can Do to Help an Alcoholic Loved On

It is important to remember that you are not alone. We are always here to help. For More Information Download our Free Family Brochure!

Learn More About Our Family Program!


 

*Next Month: The sixth thing you can do to help an alcoholic loved one: Consider An Intervention.

Don’t want to wait until next month? Download our free PDF: 6 Things You Can Do to Help an Alcoholic Loved One.
Download Now: 6 Things You Can Do to Help a Alcoholic Loved One!

Topics: alcohol addiction, family support

Ellie Hyatt

Written by Ellie Hyatt

Director of Family and Spiritual Recovery at The Retreat

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