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“If I Recover, Who Will I Be?”

[fa icon="calendar'] Nov 14, 2018 9:30:00 AM / by John MacDougall posted in Recovery, recovering alcoholics, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, addiction

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I never asked this question when I was getting sober, but I have heard other people ask it. I thought they were raising unreasonable objections to getting sober or expressing resistance to recovery. Over the years, patients at Hazelden and guests at The Retreat have spoken of their reluctance to recover by saying that they are afraid to recover, because they are afraid of who they might be if they stop drinking or drugging. What will happen, they ask, if they get sober and don’t like themselves, or don’t like who they have become?

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We Don’t Get To Pick The Next Consequence.

[fa icon="calendar'] Jan 31, 2018 10:30:00 AM / by John MacDougall posted in recovering alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, addiction, alcohol addiction

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At age 19, I had all the evidence I needed that I was an alcoholic. On one terribly cold, windy, January day, I was kicked out of college. That event made me homeless. I was standing in front of the dormitory that used to be my home, almost broke. I had sixty-nine cents in total assets, all in coins in my pocket. I had nowhere to go. I was drunk, even though it was still morning. I was so drunk that I couldn’t stop peeing my pants, and the frozen pee was sticking to my legs.

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A New Year’s Inventory

[fa icon="calendar'] Jan 3, 2018 8:00:00 AM / by John MacDougall posted in AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 11th step, 4th Step, 5th Step, sobriety, Holiday Season, alcohol addiction, alcohol recovery, recovering alcoholics

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The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous makes promises on pages 83 and 84. At the New Year, let’s see how these promises are coming true. We can all take inventory of these promises.

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Merry Christmas... At Last

[fa icon="calendar'] Dec 23, 2015 9:30:00 AM / by John MacDougall posted in sober, hope, recovering alcoholics, alcoholic loved one, alcoholism, Christmas, Holiday Season

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This year, 2015, is the first year that I haven’t felt some generalized distress at Christmas time. It began when I was a child in a violent, alcoholic home. I almost always got hurt on the days leading up to Christmas. It would begin with the tree.

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“I was never that good at being that bad.”

[fa icon="calendar'] Nov 25, 2015 1:17:18 PM / by John MacDougall posted in sobriety, alcohol dependency, drinking, AA, recovering alcoholics, NA

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In the 1970’s and 1980’s, I attended open AA meetings for 13 years without figuring out that I was an alcoholic. This was odd, because I seemed to have a natural affinity for alcoholics and other addicts. As a pastor, I had conducted more interventions than anyone else in my town. Many evenings, I brought people to detox, and then sat up late at night learning about this disease. I taught college and graduate school courses on addiction without figuring out that I was an alcoholic and addict. I went to twelve step meetings because I really wanted to be with the people. My home group tolerated me well, because it was an open meeting. Occasionally  I’d  overhear someone whispering “He almost admitted it,” but I never did.

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Carrying the Message of Hope and Recovery.

[fa icon="calendar'] Jul 8, 2015 3:10:49 PM / by John Curtiss posted in Alcoholics Anonymous, recovery process, higher power, fifth tradition, AA, carrying the message, hope, recovering alcoholics

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