I started going to recovery meetings when I was 15. I heard in the meetings, “What the hell are you doing here? I lost my wife, my kids and my job because of my drinking. What the hell did you ever lose?
I simply responded, “I lost my self-esteem, my dignity, and my mind. Is that enough loss to stay in the meetings? Is that enough loss to stay in the rooms of recovery?”
I never experienced a DWI, divorce, or detox. But when I was in meetings and I heard stories about drinking consequences, I would tell myself that’s not me YET. And YET stands for You’re Eligible Too. I’d tell myself that if I kept drinking the consequences I’m hearing from others today could be me tomorrow.
On page 21 of the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” we find the author’s description of the “Real Alcoholic.” It states, “But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.”
Later in chapter three, “More About Alcoholism”, the author returns to this theme of the “Real Alcoholic”. He writes, “Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.”
This seemingly benign and innocuous phrase of “Real Alcoholic” has set off a fire storm of debate on social media about who and who isn’t an alcoholic. To paraphrase one social media poster, he went as far as stating that A.A. meetings were going downhill because they weren’t populated by “Real Alcoholics” anymore.
I don’t know about the veracity of the social media poster’s statement, but I do know that A.A. membership requirements became solidified in 1950 with this simple statement. “The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.” Note this phrase says nothing about what a person has lost, the consequences they have suffered, or how much they drank. Simply put, if you don’t want to drink anymore, you can come to an A.A. meeting.
In the opening of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, we find the Doctor’s Opinion. In this portion of the book, the author, Dr. William D. Silkworth (aka Silky), wrote that alcoholics were different from the average temperate drinker because of the phenomenon of craving (pg. xxvi, Alcoholics Anonymous).
Today the definition of alcoholism has expanded. In the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM V-TR) it states alcoholism is, “A maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress…”. It goes on to say that in a twelve month period if a person has had two of the following criteria, they could be given the diagnosis of Alcohol Use Disorder: Tolerance, withdrawal, loss of control, craving, continued use after social, occupational, or health problems, neglecting important activities, interpersonal problems, and risky use.
Today we see all sorts of people coming into recovery rooms. Some are there unwillingly. Some are there to keep family members appeased. Still others are there because they are sober-curious. Whatever their reason or their motivation, if they have a “desire to stop drinking”, Real Alcoholic or not, all have a place around the table.