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Abnormal Reactions to Abnormal Situations are Normal: Survival Scripts Kids Learn Growing Up with Addiction in their Homes

[fa icon="calendar"] Dec 16, 2015 1:30:00 AM / by Mark Korman

families_recovery.jpgClaudia Black, Ph.D. and national expert on the Family Disease of Addiction, contends that most children in chemically dependent homes are often overlooked and underserved by school counselors and family service agencies, and even the juvenile justice system. Why?

One of the skills they have learned is to “fly under the radar.”  They mask their pain using deeply developed defense systems in reaction to the unpredictable environments that often predominate the home affected by addiction. Black has named these survivor roles in her book, It Will Never Happen to Me – Growing Up with Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, and Adults. In pondering them, we may find they fit our children, and even ourselves.

Black’s work challenges us to consider survival scripts. She asks us to examine how you may have masked your pain as a child. You may recognize what your own children have done in an attempt to keep their family illness bearable, or at least hidden. She highlights how kids adapt in an attempt to re-stabilize the family system. These creative, although somewhat predictable, responses are employed to make life easier, and less painful.

Family systems seek homeostasis. They long to experience consistency, predictability, and emotional safety. Children develop roles to help their basic needs get met. Black categorizes those roles as follows:

  • The Responsible child or “family hero”
  • The Placater or “people pleaser”
  • The Scapegoat or “acting out one”
  • The Adjuster or “lost child”
This monthly blog series will explore these progressive roles, leading up to April 29th  when we’ll be hosting Claudia Black in a day long workshop, “Transforming  Families: From Script to Choice.” 

Click here for more information about this exciting opportunity! 

Claudia Black  Transforming Families:  From Script to Choice


 

 

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Topics: Children

Mark Korman

Written by Mark Korman

Family Program Facilitator

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