Step 12:  …we tried to carry this message to alcoholics…

I started going to recovery meetings when I was 15. I heard in the meetings, “What the hell are you doing here?  I lost my wife, my kids and my job because of my drinking.  What the hell did you ever lose? 

“We thank God, from the bottom of our heart, that we know Him better.”
 ---Alcoholics Anonymous, page 75.

In early sobriety, it seemed like I didn’t know how I was going to feel in the next five minutes. My mood would swing from happy and grateful, to angry and hopeless, in what seemed like an instant. As I continued through the Retreat’s Outpatient program, I learned more about ways to ride out these huge waves of emotion. As I connected with other people in the program, I was able to talk about my frustrations with feeling my emotions were out of control and learn the different ways they had found balance. 

I have been given the opportunity to be a part of a group participating in what has been named, “The 90 Days Retreat.” It is an online group designed to cover several modules in the areas of self-growth. The first module being all about self-worth. Cue the heavy hitter right off the bat. Self-worth has been something I have struggled with most of my life, like many others out there. I find myself dealing with this idea of self-worth on a regular basis, from the way that I talk to myself and the language I use when I make a mistake let’s say, to the way that I question whether or not I should take a risk on myself and try something new, even as far as to questioning if I truly deserve happiness. This idea of self-worth ties into some similar feelings about shame that many of us in recovery grapple with throughout our journey. 

“What a task, I can’t go through with it,” said many a newcomer in recovery.  Expectation mitigation is important during early recovery. It’s important to remember that we “eat the elephant one bite at a time.” We apply ourselves every day and we reapply after temporary setbacks. We strive for progress rather than perfection.  

 

There are several myths that circulate in recovery meetings about our common recovery program.  This article attempts to dispel some of those.    

“Surrender, Surrender, but don’t give yourself away, hey, hey”

When I was introduced to recovery and the 12 steps, I only knew that surrender was the name of my favorite Cheap Trick song. I had been hustling and grinding through life for forty years with no clue how to admit that I was struggling or how to ask for help. There was no way I would willingly surrender to anything, or so I thought.

In my volunteer work with a local service entity, I occasionally will have a volunteer come to me in frustration over working with a treatment center, outpatient clinic, detox or the like.  The conversation goes something like this, “They’ve asked for speakers, but I can never get them to return my calls or emails to coordinate.”