I have been given the opportunity to be a part of a group participating in what has been named, “The 90 Days Retreat.” It is an online group designed to cover several modules in the areas of self-growth. The first module being all about self-worth. Cue the heavy hitter right off the bat. Self-worth has been something I have struggled with most of my life, like many others out there. I find myself dealing with this idea of self-worth on a regular basis, from the way that I talk to myself and the language I use when I make a mistake let’s say, to the way that I question whether or not I should take a risk on myself and try something new, even as far as to questioning if I truly deserve happiness. This idea of self-worth ties into some similar feelings about shame that many of us in recovery grapple with throughout our journey. 

When I first got sober, I mean the very day I stopped drinking and getting high, I wondered to myself and out loud to anyone who was unfortunate enough to hear me speak, “what am I going to do with myself now??  This is going to be SO BORING!”

There is this thing when you are sober, a celebration of sorts, called a recovery birthday (think cake and laughter and a new shiny chip).  They can be a big deal to those of us living in Recovery.  It is a milestone reached, a celebration of the life we are currently living, an acknowledgment of the journey we have embarked upon and continue to walk everyday despite the difficulties.  A reminder that we are still alive and not just surviving anymore, but thriving.  But these birthdays aren’t always easy, or happy and that can be confusing.

Experience…