Dispelling Myths in Recovery

Myth #1 - “Speed Kills in A.A.”

 

A common phrase heard around the tables of recovery is, “Speed kills in A.A.”  This is a silly saying with no basis in fact.  No one who has volunteered on a recovery phone line has ever heard the caller leave a message to the following, “I think I have a drinking problem, but it’s OK if you don’t call me back for a couple of weeks.”  

 

People who are reaching out for help are doing so out of a sense of urgency and desperation.  Those who work in the alcoholism field know there are therapeutic windows that open up within a person who is seeking help.  Once that window is open, it is imperative on the part of the helper, para-professional, or counselor to see that assistance is rendered in a timely fashion.  If help doesn’t arrive while the person is willing to accept assistance, they may not be willing to ask again for weeks, months or even years.  “Speed kills in A.A.,” is simply not true and the phrase should be tossed from the recovery lexicon.  It could be replaced with A.A.’s responsibility statement which states, "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible". 

 

Myth #2 - “Meeting Makers Don’t Make It”

 

Occasionally at a recovery meeting, you’ll hear someone say, “Meeting Makers Make It.”  This phrase inevitably seems to be countered with someone declaring emphatically, “Meeting Makers Don’t Make It!” I’m not sure what the motivation of the person who felt it necessary to counter the statement “Meeting Makers Make It,” but “Meeting Makers Don’t Make It,” is another phrase that should be tossed from the recovery lexicon.  

 

For my first 365 days of sobriety, I went to 365 recovery meetings.  It was important that I did that for many reasons, and here are just a couple.  

 

1)    Building Recovery Muscle Memory:  When I was drinking and drugging, I went to parties and other gatherings that encouraged me to use daily.  In sobriety, I countered that behavior by going to meetings daily.  Going to meetings was the polar opposite of what I had been doing and that was a good thing.  I didn’t need to change just one thing, I needed to change everything.  I needed to change the faces and places, I needed to change my “using” vocabulary, I needed to change my “using” behavior. I needed to change my “using” thoughts. Going to meetings regularly helped me internalize those changes.  
By going to meetings regularly, I shed my engrained using behavior and thoughts and started building recovery muscle memory.  Muscle memory is when the body automatically responds to a crisis situation without the person having to think about what to do. It is more than a reaction; it is a well-trained response to a situation - usually a situation that is fraught with stress. The more meetings I went to, the more muscle memory I built.  This muscle memory not only helped me stay sober, but it also allowed me to meet emotionally triggering experiences with emotional sobriety. 

 

2)    Learning Through Osmosis:  Learning through osmosis is described as a process where one gradually, almost unconsciously, begins to accumulate new ideas and knowledge. By going to meetings regularly, I unknowingly learned how to interact with others in an appropriate way. I accidentally learned how to speak in public. I inadvertently learned about the importance of service work, accountability and responsibility. I went to meetings to learn how to stay sober, but I ended up learning about life and a new “design for living”.  This idea of learning through osmosis echoes two concepts found in the Big Book. The first can be found in the Doctor’s Opinion where Dr. Silkworth wrote about a “psychic change.” The second can be found in the appendix entitled “Spiritual Experience,” where we learn about the author William James' concept of a spiritual awakening of the “educational variety.”  By going to meetings regularly and learning through osmosis, I had a profound “psychic change” and many spiritual experiences of the “educational variety.”

 

Myth #3 - “The Steps Must Be Worked In Order!”  

 

Occasionally, you’ll hear in a meeting that the steps must be worked in order, and you can’t skip around.  For example, you can’t do Step One and then Step Twelve.  This philosophy sounds reasonable, but it simply isn’t true and is yet another phrase that should be struck from our recovery lexicon.  

 

Although the Steps hadn’t been written at the time, Dr. Bob, co-founder of A.A., started making amends on his first day of permanent sobriety.  He went on his first 12th Step Call after only a couple of days of sobriety, (pg. 188, Alcoholics Anonymous). And what about a person who is really struggling with their Fourth Step, could they not turn to Step Eleven for guidance?  If a newly sober member of the recovery community was suddenly faced with a parent who was going through an end-of-life issue, should they not attempt to mend that relationship before their parent passes just because they aren’t on Step Nine?  

There is a story about a newcomer who was attending his home group. He was assigned the task of serving coffee one evening. He walked over to an old-timer who had indicated he wanted some coffee by holding up his cup. The old-timer started talking about how the steps were numbered One through Twelve because they were meant to be worked One through Twelve. He said, “You can’t skip around and work them anyway you want; you have to work them in order.” 

 

The newcomer was so mesmerized by the old-timer’s oratory, that he forgot he was filling the old-timer’s coffee cup. And unfortunately, scalding hot coffee poured all over the old-timer’s pants. 

 

Jumping to his feet the old-timer shouted at the newcomer, “Aren’t you even going to say you’re sorry?” 

 

The newcomer stammered, “I-I-I would, but I’m not on Step Ten yet!”