During the past several weeks we all have been thrown into a sea of unknowing, with no knowledge of the shore- where it is, when it will rise in our vision, when we will rest knowing it’s popping up in our horizon.
Even if you are an eternal optimist with the strongest faith in the world, I imagine you have had moments like this. Glimmers of the vast ocean, the tide, the endless swimming and wading, and waiting...
When I first landed in “Shelter in Place” land, I got busy (well, I got mad first, then I got busy). I felt that I might as well use all this time, all this solitude to brush up on some long neglected house projects, personal fitness goals, sleep and nutrition, catch up with old friends. All the while, feeling moments of panic, deep sadness and finding myself bursting into tears for no reason. I would push on through, try harder, keep swimming as fast as I could. My addict was clearly vying for the control panel in my life. And in the process, leaving no room for God to comfort and reassure me. Granted, I can only see this, like most glaring defects in my life, in the rear-view mirror.
Last week there was a moment, not marked by any event, because there are no longer events in my life…when I was released from the infuriating work of “hanging on” and swimming as fast as I can (and I am a strong swimmer). I allowed myself, shock of all shocks, to relax, to do nothing, and be OK with it. To follow my intuition, that sweet inner voice of my Higher Power, that can feel me into wellness, peace and ease. It was so silent, I could hear it!
That wonderful Step 1 all over again... And I am wildly confident that Step 2 and three are the prize I get for putting down the weed whacker, and lying on a lounge chair to listen to birds I have never in my life heard before.
This is our invitation to ride the wave, trust in our God and float. There will no doubt be a time for swimming again, and I believe will see the shore again (Thanks to Step 2!)...but, until then, I am going to take more time to get to know the Light within me, who guides my next right action and radiates joy in my simple, sacred days.
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