The Fear of Surrender. Letting Go and Letting Our Higher Power Lead.

[fa icon="calendar"] Jun 3, 2015 1:29:00 PM / by John Curtiss


One of the great challenges for those still struggling with alcohol and drug dependency - and even for those in long-term recovery - is surrendering to a power greater than ourselves. Giving up the internal battle to control our own lives and letting someone else guide us to a path of sobriety can often feel like the hardest thing we have ever done. Until we do completely surrender, however, we will never fully know the joys that a sober life can bring. The process of surrendering our lives to a power greater than ourselves must first begin with the realization that alone, left to our own devises, we cannot solve this problem. For most of us this was a painful, lonely and at times embarrassing process to reach a point in our lives where we are truly humble and teachable. Our self-centered out of control ways drove us to a point of utter despair.

Yet, for the fortunate of us, this it what was required to reach a point of absolute surrender. We had exhausted all of our will to beat this disease and reclaim our lives. Throwing our hands up in defeat we were finally given the gift of receptivity. We are now ready and available to receive the guidance and support that will lead us to a happy, sober and meaningful life. Whether it be with an AA sponsor, professionals in the recovery field, a spiritual guide or fellow members in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) we find that we are no longer alone and that there are many, who have come before us, that can show us the way.

At the age of 23, after a nine-year battle with alcoholism and drug addiction that nearly killed me, two old-timers in AA plucked me out of my misery and put me on a one-way airline flight from Cincinnati Ohio to Minnesota. I knew when I got on that plane that there was no going back. I had burned all of my bridges. All of MY efforts to change my life resulted in more pain, more loss, more trouble. I was utterly powerless to stop drinking and using on my own and my life was a mess. I was terrified of what may lie ahead, but I was completely willing to let someone else direct the next steps of my life. I adopted a posture of a student, looking at everyone who came into my life as teachers who could show me a better way to live my life.

This willingness to go to any lengths led me to two months in treatment, eight months in a halfway house and a year and a half living in a sober house, surrounded by a community of fellow travelers who taught me how to live the spiritual program embodied in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in my day-to-day life. I was introduced to a “Program of Living”, a community of support and a spiritual connection that for the past thirty-nine years, one day at a time, has given me an opportunity to live a whole, meaningful and productive sober life. And all I have to do to keep it is stay sober, live the Twelve Steps in my day-to-day life, stay grateful and teachable and help others.

Sounds easy doesn’t it? Most of us enter our recoveries willing and motivated to go to any lengths.  We’ll do anything to stop the pain, fix our broken toys. But change the way we think, the way we live? “What an order, I can’t go through with it.” Letting go absolutely is a frightening prospect. So it’s human nature that at some point our ego will re-emerge. We say, “Thanks God for getting me out of this mess, I’ve got it from here.” And back behind the drivers seat we go. The daily maintenance of our spiritual life is where the real work begins. 

Surrender isn’t something we do once and were done. It’s a daily spiritual practice to live our lives with a God Consciousness in all that we do. It requires a level of humility, vulnerability, and diligent and daily spiritual practice to stay on this path. But as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints.  The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines... We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” However, what I can say from my own experience and through listening to the experiences of others is that if you take a chance, let go of your inner battle and just show up you may be surprised with what you find. One day at a time, you will regain your relationships with loved ones and make real friends, and you may find a sense of purpose, hope and even serenity. 

Remember. You’re not alone. We’re here to help.
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Topics: Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, 12 steps of aa, Recovery Program, Drugs Adiction

John Curtiss

Written by John Curtiss

John is President of the Community of Recovering People board of directors and The Retreat. He is one of the principle designers of The Retreat model.

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