In sobriety we build new connections to ourselves, our families, and our communities. In our meetings we embrace all who have “a desire to stop drinking” to our tables. Healthy groups lower barriers to sobriety by creating inclusive spaces and meetings. Healthy groups broaden their understanding of what recovery means for people with different experiences.
Sponsors come from all levels of society, all cultures, and every gender identity. There are certain traits good sponsors share. These core traits are foundational to good sponsorship.
We often hear in self-help meetings, “Have an attitude of gratitude”. For those of us who may not be feeling grateful, this can often come across as cliché and trite. But there is age old wisdom in the saying.
When I first came into the program, I was told by my sponsor and home-group members that I had to change the faces and places. I didn’t understand the phrase so I asked for clarification. They told me I had to find a new group of friends and a new set of hang-outs. For a 15-year-old, this was a monumental task. My peer group was everything to me. But I knew if I was going to stay alive and stay sober, I had to heed their sage advice.
Recovery Month is a national observance held every September. Started in 1989, Recovery Month educates Americans that substance use treatment and mental health services can enable those with a mental and/or substance use disorder to live a healthy and rewarding life.
At a conference on recovery not long ago in Chicago, I listened to the speaker talk about making amends. The crux of her point was that the amend had to be equal to or greater than the offense. For example, you can’t falsely print on the front page of a newspaper that someone is a cheat and a liar and then print the retraction on page 17. No, if you’re going to set the scales of restorative justice evenly, the retraction has to go on page one.
When I first came into the Al-Anon program, I had spent so much time and energy into isolating, stuffing my feelings and trying to fix and control people, places and things, that I had no idea who I was, what I liked or disliked or even what I what felt. When they told me that I needed to keep the focus on myself and not the alcoholic, I didn’t know what that meant. I wasn’t capable of an intimate relationship with anyone else because I didn’t have an intimate relationship with myself.
The Loot, The Lift and The Lover
During my four decades of recovery, I’ve worked with hundreds of young men who are enthusiastic and excited about recovery. For them, everything is new and life has taken on a different meaning. They are going to meetings regularly; they are working with their sponsors and the wreckage from their past is slowly getting repaired. But alas, they seem to hit three common roadblocks which sends them spiraling back down the path whence they came. I refer to these three roadblocks as: The Loot, The Lift and The Lover.
Tis the season to be jolly”, as the age-old song reminds us. In that vein, here are some stories to lift your spirits - Happy Holidays!
