This year, 2015, is the first year that I haven’t felt some generalized distress at Christmas time. It began when I was a child in a violent, alcoholic home. I almost always got hurt on the days leading up to Christmas. It would begin with the tree.
Claudia Black, Ph.D. and national expert on the Family Disease of Addiction, contends that most children in chemically dependent homes are often overlooked and underserved by school counselors and family service agencies, and even the juvenile justice system. Why?
For the American public, addiction is a taboo but extremely common topic. Children take drug education classes beginning in middle school, learning that drugs will 'fry their brain' and cause them to become a ‘burnout’ or a failure. People frequently joke that something is ‘like crack’ or that they are ‘shopaholics.’ Some of the most heated political debates center on issues like drug testing for welfare recipients or the legalization of marijuana.
Even though over 23 million Americans are in recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs, it seems that many who aren’t still do not know how to address addiction when they encounter it in their everyday lives.
In the 1970’s and 1980’s, I attended open AA meetings for 13 years without figuring out that I was an alcoholic. This was odd, because I seemed to have a natural affinity for alcoholics and other addicts. As a pastor, I had conducted more interventions than anyone else in my town. Many evenings, I brought people to detox, and then sat up late at night learning about this disease. I taught college and graduate school courses on addiction without figuring out that I was an alcoholic and addict. I went to twelve step meetings because I really wanted to be with the people. My home group tolerated me well, because it was an open meeting. Occasionally I’d overhear someone whispering “He almost admitted it,” but I never did.
I agree with the words attributed to Fred Holmquist of Hazelden that the first nine steps “will get us well but not keep us well,” that step 10 is the step that not only maintains our sobriety but begins our awakening. Early in its treatment of this step, the Big Book contains the remarkable sentence: “We have entered the world of the Spirit (page 84).”
But how do we stay in the world of the Spirit? The Big Book again is quite clear:
“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent
on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every
day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s
will into all of our activities. (page 85).”
And how do we maintain “spiritual condition?” I find that if I am faithful to five practices in the course of a week, I have a 95% possibility of recovery and of being awake. Those practices are a 10th step throughout the day and especially at night; an 11th step spiritual practice, especially every morning; an honest conversation with my sponsor, at least once a week; participation in my home group, again weekly; and availability for service, daily. That has been my experience of myself and others. And your experience?
Last month we discussed a new series of articles focusing on the tools to build recovery capital by addressing some of the common struggles, questions, and successes that can present challenges to our mind, body and soul, even while sober. Building recovery capital means just that, building up enough resources, tools, and community inside the rooms of recovery and during the recovery process to rely on when things are difficult - when life asks us who we are. This “recovery capital” will help guide us through the rough times, to grow and adapt to life’s challenges to eventually come out the other end with new meaning and purpose.
All of us, or nearly all of us, are sober when we read this essay. For us, getting sober is no longer the issue. Staying sober is. Alcoholism and addiction are chronic illnesses, and relapses are common. Staying clean and sober requires an ongoing participation in recovery. The best recovery is in Twelve Step programs. Meetings are good. Step work is better. Working with other alcoholics to help them get sober is best. A.A.’s “Big Book”says "Nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.” (p.89) I know that this is true for me.
The Import of a Word: Some years ago I called the research library of AA International and asked one of the librarians if he knew why Bill W. wrote “turn our will and lives over to the care of God” rather than simply “turn our will and lives over to God” in the third step. He said he would research the question and get back to me soon.
