Yesterday I broke a little. OK, since I am talking about unlocking truth, I think I actually broke a
lot. I sort of shattered.
This process of recovery...its more than putting down my substance. Although that was the first
obvious step, and a struggle in itself, nobody could prepare me for the journey that lay ahead
once I got sober. As I write this, my desire is to fill a page with positive and encouraging words
that will uplift and give hope. But today I am not feelin’ it and am in the midst of unlocking some
truths. Truths about myself and my character. Truths about my past and the harm I have done.
Truths about the harm that I endured through others. Truths about the fear I am allowing myself
to live in.
The disease of alcoholism and addiction shows up in our lives in the form of a voice in our heads. That voice is like a channel of discouragement that is hard to totally eliminate. The addictive voice doesn’t have to make any sense to be effective. Because it has been there so long, and because its messages are so consistently depressing, we come to accept it, just because it wears us down.
Hello my name is Kara and I am addicted to self-will!
Page 62 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states “So our troubles, we think , are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot”…..um….bummer! I don’t know about you but I have never lived in peace and riot at the same time. Of course, I have given it one heck of an effort, but the 2 don’t mesh. Ultimately, through experiencing both peace and unrest, I decided I would like to choose peace. It’s one or the other. And I like peace!
